BY ELIZABETH MOGLIA JACKSON PHOTOGRAPHY BY MIANA JUN

Being in business with one’s spouse offers many rewards —and challenges. Here, three couples consider how they succeed in running their food business together, while maintaining a healthy marriage.

Owning a small business comes with a never-ending list of responsibilities, especially if that business is a restaurant or bakery. Hiring and managing staff; choosing food suppliers and organizing deliveries; preparing menus; cleaning, plumbing, and equipment maintenance are just a few of many tasks required on a daily basis.

Now, imagine doing it all with your significant other as partner. Would that make running a business easier—or more difficult?

According to the Conway Center for Family Business, there are 32.4 million family businesses in the United States.*

At Edible Jersey, we were curious to learn about the opportunities and pitfalls inherent in owning a business with one’s significant other and how that working relationship helped or hampered couples’ abilities to handle the pressure cooker of the food industry. We talked to three such pairs and, in the process, we learned a little bit about trust, the power of a knowing glance, and some tips that might make our own relationships stronger.

* familybusinesscenter.com/resources/family-business-facts

THE KIRSHENBAUMS

Kirshenbaum Baking Co. | Westfield & Morristown

The story of how Uyen and Jeff Kirshenbaum started their business was “a happy accident” that began when they were both living in Los Angeles and working in the restaurant industry. “We were dating and, as a pastry chef, I would always shower him with sweets and cakes,” says Uyen, to which Jeff adds, “My fridge was full of desserts!” Uyen continues: “Then, literally in the third month or so, Jeff reveals to me that he’s dairy intolerant! I think I’m about to kill my soon-to-be husband!”

Knowing that Jeff loved chocolate, Uyen proceeded to use her baker’s skills to create the now-famous dairy- and gluten-free Jeff’s Cookie. Jeff describes it as “kind of like a brownie cookie that’s just super rich and really delicious…. We didn’t know at the time, but it’s what ended up creating this business.”

After they married and had two small kids, the pandemic hit and they were both furloughed. “We were home like the rest of the world,” recalls Jeff, “and we started sending cookies to friends and family. Everybody was loving them. It made us think maybe we should actually start doing this for real.” In May 2020, they launched what became a very popular and successful mail-order bakery business with regular and gluten/dairy-free options. In time, they moved across the country and settled in Jeff’s home state back in New Jersey, with their Westfield bakery, Kirshenbaum Baking Co., debuting in 2022.

Benefits and Challenges

For both Uyen and Jeff, one benefit of working together is the flexibility it offers the family. “Before Covid, we had worked opposite schedules,” Jeff says. “I was getting into bed while she was asleep, and then she was getting up while I was asleep. We wouldn’t really see each other awake until Sunday. Once we saw the potential to go all-in on our business and try to regain a little flexibility, we just jumped on it.”

Perhaps a little like all married couples, the benefit of seeing each other more often can also become a challenge. Uyen particularly hates it when Jeff speaks to her at work like they are simply business partners. Jeff chuckles, “She always reminds me—‘We’re still husband and wife!’”

For Jeff, the hardest part is keeping home and work separate. “We get home, and we play with the kids and put them to bed, but it’s difficult to not just go back to talking about work, because there’s always something going on.” Their newer Morristown location means that they see each other even less often, with home sometimes being “the first time all day we can talk one on one.” While the bakeries are open Sundays, they try to treat it as more of a “family day,” and to relax a bit more when the bakeries are closed on Mondays.

Know Your Role

Knowing their designated roles helps to keep the business (and their sanity) going. Jeff handles finances and operations while Uyen concentrates on producing the artisanal breads, cakes, pies, cookies, and pastries. They both admire each other’s commitment to family and work. Uyen says of her husband, “His dedication to the family, to the kids, is really extraordinary.”

Jeff says of Uyen, “It’s not just how talented she is, but her determination to get it done. Sometimes she comes home for a couple hours to play with the kids, then she goes back to work until very late hours or all night—and she never complains. When you put somebody who’s so talented together with that type of determination, it’s not a surprise why we’re so successful.”

Uyen’s biggest piece of advice: “You have to really remember that you love that person. Some days are hard, but at the end of the day you have to come home and be a family. Make sure you really like that person before you go into business, and communication is important—even if it’s nonverbal.”

“SOME DAYS ARE HARD, BUT AT THE END OF THE DAY YOU HAVE TO COME HOME AND BE A FAMILY.”

PAIRING ADVICE:

■ Know and follow designated roles. It will help to keep the business (and the couple’s sanity) going.

■ “You have to really remember that you love that person. Some days are hard, but at the end of the day you have to come home and be a family.”

■ “Communication is important—even if it’s nonverbal.”

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THE RYANS

Common Lot, Millburn | Byrd, Hoboken

Ehren and Nadine Ryan of Common Lot in Mill-burn and the newly opened Byrd in Hoboken are another couple who have mastered the art of nonverbal communication. “I can just give Nadine a look from the kitchen, and she’s up front and she will know instantly what’s wrong,” Ehren says.

Like the Kirshenbaums, the Ryans met through their love of—and involvement in—the industry. Ehren was born in Australia and trained as a chef in some of the top Michelin-starred restaurants in the world. Nadine grew up in the Austrian Alps and was schooled in European fine-dining service and front-of-house management.

Love of the Industry—and Each Other

“We had the same shifts, and we met in the kitchen,” Ehren says. He was the chef and Nadine a server at a Michelin restaurant in the British Channel Islands back in 2010. They had an instant connection, and after dating only a few months they decided to take an RV trip around Australia for 35 days to “test the relationship.” In fact, their advice to couples thinking of going into business with each other is: “Go on an RV trip for 35 days without a bathroom … make it a small space so you know if you can organize!”

In the subsequent six years, they continued working together. Ehren elaborates, “Sometimes I was the senior person; other times she was the senior person …. We knew we worked well together, so we were always thinking about opening our own restaurant.”

Ehren’s parents had relocated years earlier from Australia to New Jersey for a job, so it was natural for Ehren and Nadine to start their restaurant here, especially since Ehren’s family and friends owned the building on which Common Lot now stands. After working out an agreement with them, the couple proudly opened in 2016.

Know Where to Step—and When to Overstep

They both have clearly defined roles in their working relationship, with Nadine as the hospitality person and Ehren as the chef. He even marks where the kitchen begins, saying, “There’s tape on the floor where front-of-house can’t go in,” but Nadine laughs and adds, “I always overstep it.” Ehren continues, “Well, if the standards aren’t met in the front and it’s a kitchen problem, she has no problem telling me—it’s about knowing each other well enough to know when overstepping is appropriate.”

Ehren says there can sometimes also be communication lapses. “Once at work I called her ‘Babe’ and she turned around and said, ‘I’m not f* Babe. And I went, ‘Whoa, I overstepped.’ I haven’t called her that in service again.” Ehren says that sometimes arguments happen “in the kitchen, in the office, in the fridge, about staff [and] how things run, but it’s just business.”

Nadine is quick to add, however, that, “If we have a disagreement at work, it doesn’t follow us into the car back home,” as they make a conscious effort to not talk business. Nadine continues, “Every day before opening, we have dinner with staff and our kids from 3:40 to 4 pm and the rule is: no work talk!”

Like other couples, they also try to have dinner-date nights but can’t always leave their work behind. “We’re not critical of the food, but we’re, like, ‘Oh, that’s a good idea, I wonder if I can implement that somehow!’” notes Ehren. “We’re always absorbing another restaurant’s characteristics.”

What they admire most about each other is that they can put up with each other. As Nadine put it: “We’re both quite stubborn—but we’re in tune with each other.”

PAIRING ADVICE:

■ Test the relationship before going into business together: “Go on an RV trip for 35 days without a bathroom … make it a small space so you know if you can organize!”

■ Know each other well enough to know when overstepping is appropriate.

■ Don’t let work disagreements follow you home.

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THE RIZKS

Jammin’ Crêpes | Princeton

Kim and Amin Rizk—along with their business partner, Kathy Klockenbrink—of Jammin’ Crêpes in Princeton are like a musical trio, with each having specific roles to make their business flow. Kim is the productions person creating recipes and sourcing from local farms, Amin does the marketing and financing, and Kathy handles the nuts and bolts of the business, and management (and serves as intermediary if needed!). They are also all foodies and very apt at finishing each other’s sentences.

Unlike the previous pairs, these three came to the restaurant business after following other career paths, and with kids already a bit older. Amin was in marketing, Kim had managed specialty markets and even authored the Hay Day Country Market Cookbook while also acquiring her real estate license, and Kathy was a speech therapist.

A Neighbor and a Crêperie

They also needed a bit of a push to get going. When Kim and Amin first moved to Princeton to raise their kids, Amin wanted to go into business with his wife, but Kim wasn’t feeling it. “I kept saying ‘no’ to a husband-and-wife partnership, but then Kathy (a neighborhood friend) knocked on our door!” remembers Kim. “I had been thinking about bringing it up with them”, says Kathy, “and one afternoon as I was driving by, I said to myself, ‘Oh, just stop in!’”

Kim thinks it was meant to be. “I was, like, ‘Oh my God, I always wanted to open a crêperie.’” Amin adds, “We were even working on names that morning!” Kim remembers musing at the time, “This is serendipity, this must mean something! ”

The trio also had the same vision for a nontraditional crêpe. “Kim’s always been involved with local purveyors, and her idea basically was to harness the abundance of what’s available in our community,” Amin says. “The crêpes are the vessel, because it’s universal; it’s a bellini to those in Eastern Europe, dosa in Asia, a tortilla in South America. We happen to call it a crêpe.”

Kim goes on, “We use traditional French crêpe griddles, but you’re not going to find a Crêpe Suzette.” Instead, their menu features playful names as: ‘Jammin’ Turkey Club, Everything’s Better with Bacon & Jam, and Sweet Potato Crêperito.

Testing the Product—and the Partnership

Before opening the restaurant, they first tested the concept at the local West Windsor Farmers’ Market with tremendous success. They encourage couples and friends thinking of going into business together to do the same thing. Other advice: just like the Kirshenbaums and the Ryans, the Jammin’ Crêpes team says to “make sure you know each other really well before going into it.”

This isn’t all to say that the group never has their difficulties. “There are times one of us plays the mediator to the other two, depending on the situation,” Kathy says. “We have seen a therapist for the greater good of the business and to learn how we become better communicators so that we can be constructive and move forward.”

Sometimes, they’ve learned, communication is as much about how you say things as what you say. “‘Please listen,’ as opposed to ‘Shut up and listen!’” Kathy chuckles.

“It’s taken me about 10 or 11 years, but I just recently learned to listen and not say anything,” Amin admits. His wife laughs and responds, “Well, I wouldn’t say that you’ve learned to not say anything, because you do say a lot, which is good, but I think that listening skills are incredibly important for everybody.”

Kathy adds, “Basically, I think the three of us are not afraid to have a heart-to-heart conversation—and do the hard work.” Their diligence makes a better working environment: “It’s all for the health of the staff. If we have tension between us, it trickles down into the entire establishment.”

This commitment shows in their employees’ loyalty, with some staff staying for many years. Kim beams as she shares the fruits of their partnership: “We created something that we’re proud of, and we were able share it.”

PAIRING ADVICE:

■ The ability to truly listen to each other is incredibly important.

■ Don’t be afraid to have heart-to-heart conversations—and do the hard work.

■ Make sure you and your partner (whether friend or spouse) know each other really well before going into a business together.

JAMMIN’ CRÊPES
20 Nassau St., Princeton
609.924.5387
jammincrepes.com

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HOUSE FAVORITES

It’s no surprise that eatery owners and chefs have their own favorite items on their menus. Here are a few:

At Kirshenbaum Baking Co.

JEFF KIRSHENBAUM: Jeff’s Cookie (of course).

UYEN KIRSHENBAUM: Her own Butter Croissant. She starts every morning with a fresh-out-of-the-oven toasted croissant and coffee.

At Common Lot

NADINE RYAN: Sticky Date Pudding. Considered a cold weather dessert. “Every time it goes on the menu, I am reminded to bring as many home as I can,” says Ehren.

At Byrd

EHREN RYAN: Shrimp and Garlic Noodles and the Pork Schnitzel with Hunter Sauce. “Hunter Sauce is a play on an Austrian sauce,” says Ehren, “using smoked bacon, cornichons, mushrooms, and potato. It’s delicious.”

At Jammin’ Crêpes

AMIN RIZK: Everything’s Better with Bacon & Jam Crêpe, with brie and fresh baby arugula.

KIM RIZK: Sweet Potato Crêperito with black beans, scallions, and cilantro crema.